A couple of days back I had the good fortune to stumble across an extraordinary book in a second hand bookshop ‘entitled’ ELEGANCE by Madame Genevieve Antoine Dariaux. By generous permission of the original author I have used the tone and most of the brilliant gems of advice in presenting before you this article.

What is elegance?

It is a sort of harmony that rather resembles beauty with the difference that the latter is more often a gift of nature and the former a result of art. If I may be permitted to use such a high-sounding word for such a minor art.

The headings given below seek to elaborate on the hows and whys of achieving elegance.

Quality over Quantity Though quality need not necessarily mean expensive, more often than not it does. Now most times we feel it is just a big waste spending much more than required just for a label after all aren’t you just covering their promotional and other overheads? Another sect of people feels that the expense is incurred only to feed the ego. However, the truth of the matter is that designers are coveted because their product is indeed superior to the commercially viablecompetition. Superior in every possible way be it styling or exclusivity or quality etc. Bestrict with yourself.

Economise on food if you must (believe me it will do you good!) but not on your handbags andshoes. Refuse to be seduced by anything, which isn’t first-rate. The saying, ‘I can’t afford to buy cheaply’ was never so true. Without exception, I have ended up giving away all the cheap little novelty bags that I found irresistible at first. I realize that all this may seem rather austere, and even very expensive. But these efforts are one of the keys, one of the Open Seasames that unlock the door to Elegance. Also, garments become symbols of achievement both for the man
who bought it and the woman who wears it. They stand for status and undeniable luxury. As they say with a great deal of truth that the mink is the feminine Legion of Honor. So make yourselection with care. After all men come and go but good things are destiny. A strategy that will help you achieve your goal must be to possess fewer perfect ensembles rather than a wide choice of clothes to suit your every passing mood. This also increases your confidence and enjoyment derived from your clothes.

Extension of YOU

Sub-conciously we always tend to dress as per our personality and character. However, the temptations of being, ‘With It’ take their toll and we make an effort to look fashion-stricken. Ironic but sadly true. Those are times when we forget that our clothes give away a lot about us. Our age, mood, nature etc. etc. So lest you want to give out a wrong impression unless required I suggest you stick to who you really are when you dress.

A certain measure of discomfort is also associated with donning any act and behaving out of character .Inspite, of that women are not deterred in following the look of the season. Please remenber unless you are comfortable no amount of dressing up can help you carry of an outfit with ease.

Suitability as per time and place The question, ‘Where are we going tonight?’ is never an idle one. It provides valuable information that will allow you to tailor your appearance to best suit the surroundings in which you find yourself over the course of the evening, and it is just as unthinkable for an elegant woman to arrive at a restaurant for dinner in the wrong attire as it would be for her to turn up an hour late.

For e.g.: if you are being treated for a glamorous evening at a fashionable bistro, prepare yourself for food that is really quite average but clientele that are sure to be wearing the latest styles. You will feel most comfortable if you follow suit and choose something along the lines of a chic, little black dress, augmented with very fashionable, up-to-date accessories.

If, however, your escort has selected a celebrated well- established venue, then I would suggest you dress in whatever you own that’sconservative, luxurious and perhaps even a little banal. By all means, fling an outrageously expensive accessory in or deck yourself in diamonds- this is exactly what he would expect. And besides, your more avant-garde stylish ensemble will most likely be wasted on the older, affluent clientele, who are really there only to eat. Never forget that when you are dressing for dinner, you are dressing not just for yourself, but also for the pleasure and comfort of the gentleman taking you. And when a man is spending a small fortune on an evening, he usually likes to be surrounded by lavish décor, delectable cuisine, and a companion who looks as if she blends in perfectly with both.

One mantra that has always helped in achieving this is whatever be the occasion you should always adopt simplicity as the best policy and not try to radically transform your appearance for this special event. It would only astonish everyone and on any occasion you do not want to cause a sensation but simply to present a pleasing and attractive appearance.

Accessories

Viewing ones appearance as a whole always helps in achieving a complete look. A major part played in doing that is of how you accessorise your attire. A modest dress can triple its face value then worn with an elegant bag and shoes, while a designer’s original can lose mush of its prestige if its accessories have been carelessly selected. It is indispensable to own a complete set of accessories in black and, if possible another in brown, plus a pair of beige shoes and handbag for the summer. With this basic minimum, almost any combination is attractive. Of course, it would be ideal to have each set of accessories in two different versions: one
for sport and the other dressy.

Comfort

The idea of comfort has invaded our every domain; it is one of the categorical imperatives of modern life. We can no longer bear the thought of the slightest restriction, physical or moral, and many of the details, which were considered to be a mark of elegance some years ago are condemned today for reasons of comfort. Down with stiff collars, starched shirts etc. Practically the only die-hards to resist are women’s shoes. However, if women continue to seek comfort above all twenty-four hours a day, twelve months a year, they may eventually find that they have allowed themselves to become slaves to the crepe- rubber sole, nylon from head to
toe, pre-digested meals, organized travel, functional uniformity, and general stultification. When comfort becomes an end in itself, it is the Public Enemy Number One of Elegance.

Uniformity

Thanks to the high standard of living in the Occident and the perfectionof mass-produced fashions, an untrained observer must have the impression that every woman is dressed exactly alike. I do not know the origin of this modern form of modesty, which has swept through the feminine population across the world, and which seems to cause all women to want to resemble each other- even though at the same time they are spending more and more on clothes, cosmetics, and hair dressers! But if you really enjoy being dressed exactly like everybody else, then your future is rosy.

Uniformity is the natural by-product of an automated society, and who knows? - Perhaps one-day individuality will be considered a crime. In the meantime you can always join the army.

Discretion

Men enjoy being envied but they hate being conspicuous. And they particularly dislike vulgarity in the woman they love. The result that many a young woman who deliberately dresses to attract masculine admiration often inspires only astonishment. Discretion is one of the foundation stones of elegance along with Simplicity.

Girlfriends

It is a good idea never to go shopping for clothes with a girlfriend. Since she is often an unwitting rival as well, she will unconsciously demolish everything that suits you best. Even if she is the most loyal friend in the world, if she simply adores you, and if her only desire is for you to look beautiful, I remain just as firm in my opinion: shop alone, and turn only to specialists for guidance. Although they may not be unmercenary, at least they are not emotionally involved.

I particularly dread these three kinds of girlfriends:

(1) The one who wants to be just like you, who is struck by the same love-at-first- sight for the same dress, who excuses herself in advance by saying, “I hope you don’t mind, darling, and anyway, we don’t go out together very much, and we can always telephone beforehand to make sure we don’t wear it at the same time, etc. etc…. You are furious but don’tdare show it and you return the dress the next day.

(2) The friend with the more modest budget than yours, who couldn’t dream of buying the same kind of clothes as you (the truth is that she dreams of nothing else). Perhaps you think it is a real treat for her to go shopping with you. Personally, I call it mental cruelty, and I am always painfully embarrassed by the role of second fiddle that some women reserve for their best friend. Besides, her presence is of absolutely no use to you at all because this kind of friend always approves of everything you, select, and will agree with even greater enthusiasm if it happens to be something that isn’t very becoming.

(3) Finally, the friend who lives for clothes and whose advice you seek. This spoilt and self-confident woman will monopolise the attention of the shop assistants, who are quick to scent a good customer. You will find yourself forgotten by everybody, trying to decide what looks best not on you, but on your friend.

MORAL: Always shop alone. Women who shop with their friends may be popular, but elegant they are NOT.

Jewellery

The contents of a woman’s jewellery box are chronicles of her past; more telling than her underwear drawer, bathroom cabinet or even the contents of her handbag. The story the jewellery box tells is a romance and hopefully for you, it is a grand and passionate one. Jewellery is the only element of an ensemble whose sole purpose is
elegance, and elegance in jewellery is a highly individual matter. It is therefore impossible to say that only a particular kind of jewellery should be worn. One thing however is certain: an elegant woman, even if she adores jewellery as much as I do, should never indulge her fancy to the point of resembling a Christmas tree dripping with ornaments. Finally, a word to would-be-husbands: an engagement ring is often the only genuine jewel a woman owns, so please, invest in one of respectable size. The shock of paying for a good quality ring will evaporate the instant you see your thrilled fiancée proudly displaying it to all her friends and relations.

And secondly, do not underestimate the advantages of buying only from the very best. A ring box of a known jeweler will be prized almost as much as the ring itself. And this is one occasion you do not want to be accused of economizing.

Lingerie

The number of articles worn by a fashionable woman has considerably diminished since the beginning of the century. However, even though a woman’s lingerie maybe reduced to two pieces, they should at least be matching. It is the height of negligence to wear a white brassiere with a black girdle or reverse. Bright- coloured undergarments are charming, but of course can only be worn under dresses, which are opaque or dark. In the summer, it is preferable to stick to white. If you are extremely rich or refined, your underclothes might match the colour of your outer ensemble. Women are making a mistake in neglecting this potential added attraction to their charms. In short: when you dress, think always that later on you will be undressing and in front of whom. After all, nothing betrays a woman more than her lingerie; it is infinitely more revealing than a thousand hours spent on a psychiatrist’s couch.

One final word: this is not an area in which you throw discretion to the wind. Do not confuse beautiful lingerie, the kind that supports well and remains fresh, with the cheap, vulgar stuff of men’s magazines. Fascinating? I am certain. But elegant it is not. A man likes to think that his wife is attractive and discerning even when he is not looking, and surely, that is the image you want him to have at all times and the
one that will excite his deepest admiration.

Make-up

Ah! Wouldn’t it be marvelous if none of us needed it? But, alas, while some beauties are born, most of us are made. Make-up is a kind of clothing for the face, and in the city a woman would no more think of showing herself without make-up than she would care to walk down the street completely undressed. Nothing is more effective for brightening a woman’s visage and putting that final bit of polish to her look than a dash of lipstick, a sweep of black mascara or a rosy hint of rouge. However, while fashions in make-up may come and go, there are some things that remain forever déclassé. To be perfectly frank, too much is always too much. It is worth noting that people are meant to be complimenting you on the beauty of your eyes, and not your eye make-up. And if you find you cannot embrace a man without leaving a trail of powder on his suit lapel (an event too hideous for words!) then it is time to reconsider your motives, as well as your methods. Make-up is capable of many ingenious enhancements but it will not make you impervious to age or disappointment or a thousand other insecurities that plague the female mind. By all means know when to stop.

Negligees

One of the most baffling points of inconsistency in many otherwise elegant women is the way they completely neglect their appearance during the hours of intimacy in their homes- which is the very time and place where they ought to be at their most attractive. For every woman who, at the end of the day, removes her make-up and replaces it with a lighter one, ties a ribbon in her well-brushed hair and slips into a pretty, long dressing gown or housecoat with matching slippers, how many dress for an evening at home in a shabby dressing gown, their heads bristling with curlers, cream spread over their faces (when it isn’t a green or black masque) and with huge shapeless mules on their feet? It makes you wonder whom the result of all this beauty care is meant to impress- undoubtedly the trades-people they will see when they do their shopping the next morning. In the meantime, the poor husband learns to avoid looking at his scarecrow- wife and fixes his gaze instead on the sports page of the newspapers or in contemplation of the television screen.

After all, isn’t this really what beauty parlors were created for- so your poor, dear husband might be spared the horror of having to see everything?

Pounds

Every spring time the fashion magazines and women’s pages invent new diets, which, if they are followed to the letter, guarantee a slender figure and, consequently, elegance. Although it isn’t necessarily indispensable to be skinny as a mannequin in order to be elegant, it is probably true that the list of the Ten Best Dressed Women is also the list
of the Ten Hungriest Women. Slimming is practically a new religion. It used to be practiced very discreetly, almost clandestinely, and the early followers contented
themselves with a moderate slenderness, which still allowed for a few soft curves. But the sect has gained new converts every day until it now confidently decrees that salvation is impossible for the few remaining infidels who do not believe in the string bean silhouette and the skinny look.

Should you or should you not convert to this new religion? Perhaps, but at what cost? Dieters can become drearily obsessive about their newfound vocation. I recommend that you weigh not just yourself but your priorities as well. After all, God made you the way you are and there is no point fighting nature to the extent that you alienate all your friends and family with endless rules and regulations concerning what you can and
cannot eat. Being slender is undoubtedly elegant but neurotic self-obsession is NOT.

Sounds very simple but is rarely found in the modern world, largely because it requires precision, attention to detail, careful development of a delicate taste in all forms of manners and style. Not only does acquiring elegance require a polished exterior it also has a lot to do with a positive and healthy mental attitude, which is even more difficult
to achieve. That is the reason why it doesn’t come easily to most women and never will.